Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
