Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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