Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
