can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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