why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize