What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
