Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You took a bar mat shot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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