Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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