its not stalking. its research.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
