K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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