I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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