the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am one with the molecules
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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