he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
