This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
