If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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