I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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