Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
