i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
