did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
