I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
