but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
