dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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