I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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