If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
