So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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