that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
