seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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