you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
