he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
