I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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