it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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