Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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