I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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