I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
