it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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