jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
