Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
