it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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