Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
