i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
