look no pants
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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