I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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