But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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