I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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