Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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