I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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