good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
