The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
