Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
