Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
