I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
