I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.