singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
