Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
