Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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