You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
