We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
