I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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