ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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