I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
