I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
