I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
