If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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