He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
