my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
