he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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