I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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