Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
