Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
