I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
