Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
