woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
