I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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