Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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