the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
