I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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