Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
