in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
