remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
