the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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