I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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