Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
