my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How naked do you want me to be?
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