ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
