there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
