he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
