The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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