Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
